DNF

This siren fantasy was a DNF for me. So I decided to stop at page 86/388. One of the reasons why is because so want to read stories that model the style of writing I’m trying to achieve in my novels. I don’t want to read too many pages or books that go against my goal of how I’m attempting to write. Maybe one day I’ll come back and try again.

Here’s my comments live while reading:

The prologue starts with Kaitelan (young boy) whose mind is taken over by a young sea fae in order to save her from being trapped in ropes. She can apparently also read his thoughts intermittently. I’m not sure how old they are but the gift she gives Kai is the start of an obsession with the sea for the rest of his life.

Chapter one starts from Lyra’s point of view. She is a siren who steals treasure from pirates. At one point she said she doesn’t force or take without consent and I assume she’s referring to sex. But she still took control from them and forced obedience by her mind persuasion magic. That’s not consensual so I’d rather that part have been left out unless the character is in denial of her morales. 

Ah. I love how Miranda portrays Lyra’s concept of sex in chapter 2. Finally it’s the woman getting the pleasure she wants by using a man, leaving him stranded without release and reclaiming the stolen item he took from her kind. It was perfect. 

Some sentences confuse me like I’m unsure if they’re above or below water in some places. 

There’s something about the prose or writing style that keeps forcing me to reread. As if I’m missing something. This is slowing down the pace.

Okay I read another chapter and I think what’s holding me up is the frequent use of fragments. Some are okay but there’s so many that it’s really messing with the flow. I’m struggling through it because it’s tedious and burdensome to understand what she’s trying to write. The thought processes from one sentence to the next often doesn’t feel connected so I’m having a hard time. At least in chapter 4 the boy from the prologue is reintroduced, now as a man.  

So in chapter 6 I’m wondering if they don’t remember each other? Lyra needs to retrieve a key from the commander but is having trouble completing the task. Is he actually immune to her powers? 

It feels uncharacteristic of her to not learn basic fighting skills. 

I just finished chapter 7 and I think the only ongoing issue I’m going to have is things are just straight up confusing sometimes. One character made a comment in conversation that seemed to come from nowhere. And the events feel like they’re jerking around and not flowing. I’m having trouble following it all. 

The transitions are pretty abrupt from setting to setting. Within one sentence they miraculously jump between two locations and it’s jarring. I’m not always sure who is speaking in dialogue. Sometimes the heroine has a paragraph of internal thoughts and then the conversation continues without a dialogue tag so again, I need to go back to reread so I don’t miss something.

In chapter 8 when they’re in the castle it is not clear if it’s below or above water.  So I’m confused on what’s happening if I can’t picture the location. 

Okay. After chapter 9 I’m starting to get frustrated. There’s too many fragments. Is he a sea god or is he not? That part was confusing. And did someone important just die? Because somehow I missed when it happened and again, had to reread.

If you love mermaid/siren stories, check out this blurb:

Stealing a prized jewel is nothing compared to a heart.

Raised to be the perfect thief, Lyra is not above using her body or her siren’s song to take exactly what she wants, when she wants it.

But when she is attacked and her song is stolen, there’s only one fae that can help her. The fae she’d sworn to stay far away from. Now, she must find a way to win over the commander of the Flame Court, even if it means sacrificing everything she’s ever learned about being a siren.

She thinks she can fool him, fool them all. But really, she is only fooling herself.

This standalone spin-off will stow you away on pirate ships, lure you under the sea, and wrench the beating heart from your chest with this star-crossed lovers’ tale